Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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