Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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