im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
