Why are handjobs necessary in class?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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