i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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