Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
