She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
