i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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