you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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