I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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