I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
