he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
