I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
