its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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