Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
