I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Say something about gay babies.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
