It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
