Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
