??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
