yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
