All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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