you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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