Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
