I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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