Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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