Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
