He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize