never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
