sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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