3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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