my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
