I faked an abortion last night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
