Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???