the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear