I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"