ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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