Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
