I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
