I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The Olympian is in my bed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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