"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
