i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
