I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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