Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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