Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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