I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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