I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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