dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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