Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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