Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
