I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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