if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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