I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize