I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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