i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
