I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
