dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
