i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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