Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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