The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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