hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
