dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he thought i was a dude.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
