I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
