So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
