i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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