I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
